Lonely but Not Alone

We all hear the statements regarding how 2020 has been a constant downward spiral and how we all can't wait for it to be over. And we all can admit we have willingly added to that big old pot of complaining. I most certainly have on numerous occasions. This year has been full of anxiety and uncertainty and even though we are blessed (sometimes) by social media to stay connected, 2020 has been quite a lonely year. 

My family moved to Chattanooga a little over a year ago and we were all so excited to start a new chapter of our lives and to see what the Lord is going to do in the new place we call home. He has done such amazing things and has blessed us with the best neighbors. However, as a 20 year old who had to leave all of her friends of 5+ years behind in Illinois, it was a harsh reality when Christmas break rolled around. The University I attend has J term, where you either get the whole month of January to sit back and relax or to take a class. I stayed home with no academic responsibility, as well as no friends my own age. (I promise this isn't just a sob story, I'm getting to a point soon enough so hang tight). As Christians we know that we were created to be relational. God desires more than anything to have a relationship with us, and being that we are made in His image, we have an internal need for connection with other people. Being in a new city for 7 weeks with no friends was very lonely; fast forward a few months and I'd be stuck at home another 6 months. And the icing on the cake, I couldn't go out. I know during this time the Lord was trying to teach me to learn how to be okay by myself and to learn how to be dependent on Him. But I am human and I didn't take advantage of the opportunity as much as I should have. Believe me, I think I have grown so much this year in learning more about who I am and what I desire in life. For the first 19 and a half years of my life I thought I liked being alone, binge watching whatever shows for hours at a time in my room. That is not a healthy habit for me at all and I certainly learned that this year. One of the biggest lessons I learned is the difference between isolation and solitude and how both can affect my mental well being. Isolation can be dangerous, now we just relate it to COVID but that's not what I'm talking about. Isolation is intentionally avoiding the world, it's locking yourself up in your room for no apparent reason, to avoid life's problems and live in your bubble. I know that lifestyle well. On the other hand, solitude is a beautiful thing. It is intentional, beneficial, and almost necessary. If you are like me and easily burn out from being around people, solitude is an essential time during my week to regroup and recharge. But I will admit I am terrible at keeping up with it. I still sit in my room and binge watch Gilmore Girls or sit on social media for hours and it honestly does not make me feel any better.  Isolation does not feed any kind of relationship or anything other than anxiety and nothingness. Self care and solitude is essential time spent with the Lord and with yourself to understand what you need and what He is trying to tell you. Self care IS important and ISN'T selfish! The best kind of self care is spending time with God, feeding your spiritual health will affect every part of your life. I say this because I have been there, in the times when I feel so lonely among a group of people and I need time to reset and recharge. My quiet time is valued and is most beneficial when spent with the Lord of this incredible universe. 

I sat in my room tonight overwhelmed with emotion knowing that I am lonely but I am not alone. There are fears and frustrations that I don't have to push down and pretend aren't there. I have a God who loves me so much and wants nothing more than for me to come to Him with all of the burdens I carry. I hope that this is an encouragement to you that although this year is unlike any other, you are not alone even when you feel like the world is closing in. There are people here for you, hold tight to them. You have a God waiting and wanting for you to run to Him with open arms, ready to grab onto you and never let go. I want to go into 2021 with the confidence that I am not alone, that I can face whatever challenges come with a new year because our God is with me. Psalm 23 was one of the passages I read tonight; "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me besides still waters. He restores my soul." He MAKES me lie down and be still. Even in the lowest times, he is there. We cannot fully rest without Him because He is the Prince of Peace and will restore us when we need Him. I pray that I don't forget this, that I don't try to fix everything myself. I pray that I will be humble and know that I am never, ever alone and that you aren't either.